Should You Write Your Own Wedding Vows? How to Decide + Tips for Getting Them Right
MLE’s Guide on Writing Wedding Vows
One of the most emotional parts of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows. Some couples stick with traditional vows that have been spoken for generations. Others decide to write their own wedding vows to create a moment that feels uniquely theirs.
So, how do you know if writing your own vows is the right move for you? Let’s break it down and share practical tips for writing wedding vows that feel real, heartfelt, and totally you.
Should You Write Your Own Wedding Vows?
Here are a few questions to help you figure it out:
1. Are You Cool with Sharing Feelings in Public?
Let’s be honest: writing vows means putting your emotions out there in front of everyone. If that excites you, go for it. If the idea of getting teary in front of 200 guests makes you want to hide, traditional vows may feel safer.
2. Do You Want to Personalize Your Ceremony?
Custom vows instantly make the ceremony more “you.” They let you share memories, inside jokes, and promises that only make sense for your relationship.
3. Are You Comfortable with Words?
If you love writing or journaling, you’ll probably enjoy crafting vows. If words aren’t your thing, that’s fine, you can lean on traditional vows or keep your custom ones super simple.
4. Are You and Your Partner on the Same Page?
Talk it through first. If one of you writes vows and the other doesn’t, it can feel off-balance. Align on tone (romantic, funny, or a mix) and keep the length somewhat similar.
5. Do You Have the Time?
Wedding planning already fills your to-do list. If the big day is right around the corner and you’re feeling stressed, give yourself permission to go traditional or keep things short and sweet.
Tips for Writing Wedding Vows That Actually Work
If you decide to go for it, here’s how to write vows that feel real and land well during the ceremony:
Start Early – Don’t wait until the night before. Jot down notes weeks in advance.
Think About Your Story – What makes your relationship different? Use those details.
Make Promises – That’s what vows are. Balance meaningful commitments with playful ones.
Stay True to Your Voice – If you’re not poetic, don’t try to be. Speak how you actually talk.
Set the Tone Together – Decide if your vows will be romantic, funny, or somewhere in between.
Practice Out Loud – Reading them out loud helps you catch awkward phrasing.
Keep It Short – Aim for about 1–2 minutes. Enough to say what matters without losing the moment.
Bring a Backup – Write a copy to hand your officiant or planner just in case.
Ask for Feedback – A close friend can give you confidence (and help cut anything cheesy).
Exchange Private Vows Before the Ceremony
Want to write your own vows but nervous about reading them in front of everyone? A great option is to exchange private vows before your public ceremony. This intimate moment, just the two of you (and maybe your photographer), lets you share everything you want to say without the pressure of an audience. Then during the ceremony, you can stick to traditional vows and still keep the flow of the day. It’s the best of both worlds: personal and private, yet still polished for your guests.
Final Thoughts
Writing your own vows is one of the most meaningful ways to personalize your ceremony, but it is not the only way. Whether you choose traditional vows or create your own, the most important thing is that the words come from the heart.
At Michelle Leo Events, we love helping couples design ceremonies that reflect their story and feel authentic to who they are. If writing your own vows is part of your vision, we can guide you through the process so the moment feels natural and unforgettable. Contact us today to learn more about our all-encompassing wedding planning services.
